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The Hollow

 Yesterday was 5 months since I lost my Daddy. It really hit home because Dad (we call step parents bonus dads or moms) has now been placed in a memory care facility. 


And for the first time this week, Dad didn’t know who I was. He thought my son was his.


Mom is being denied her surgery (twice now) by insurance. They’re sentencing her to death. If they don’t do anything we’re looking at roughly 8-12 months. Then again she beat it once but they nearly killed her with that surgery.


I am not okay. 


I can't begin to describe the gut wrenchingly painful experience of losing my Daddy. The slow moving knowledge that he will never wrap his arms around me again. 


We think of losing a parent and everyone experiences this. It's so hard. To lose a parent so swiftly, so suddenly, when they are supposed to be going home, only to be gone (I can't even write the 'D' word yet) within a week... It's indescribable. It is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. Now lose two with 4 months and quite possibly soon, three parents.


I thought I had experienced loss. I HAVE experienced loss. Losing Daddy has broken me. I still cannot fathom that he is actually gone. 


And still, I hear, "They're trying to kill us with these vaccines" and "I'm not getting that thing" or I watch people walk into a store, unmasked, most likely unvaccinated, as I walk through, with both myself and The Boy masked. 


Do they realize we've lost people to this virus? This plague? That they are putting people like my Daddy at risk? That ONE OF THEM are the reason he is gone?


I can't blame them, not completely. Because Dad didn't want to get vaccinated either. And he didn't. Once he was life flighted to the hospital, he changed his mind. He said, "If I had known it was like this I would have gotten it."



~k~

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