Ignore Me Like You Mean It

 Today was my first appointment with one of the plastic surgeons that was chosen for me by my breast surgeon based on my other medical issues. This surgeon was Dr. Michael Beckenstein in Birmingham, AL. First, and one of the most annoying things about this trip actually had nothing to do with the doctor, and everything to do with our recent move and insurance.              Unfortunately my Blue Cross insurance decided that it could just do whatever it wanted (as if its a living entity) and they didn't notify us that our policy was changed and we now needed to have a referral not from my breast surgeon but from a primary care doctor. For everything. So even if one specialist refers me to another, I STILL have to go back to a primary doctor in order to get that referral. That was stressful.  Aside from the insurance headaches, when we first got to the office, it was very homey and comfortable. Andrew and I were taken in to watch a video...

Today has been a super rough day for me. First, aside from Thursday turning out to be Monday's ridiculously ugly sister in terms of all the random crazy that happened,  I lost someone who has been a dear friend of mine for 20 years on Sunday. He died from cancer. Kind of funny in a "haha life is giving us the middle finger" kind of way, isn't it? He started out as a pen pal and became one of my closest and dearest loved ones. On top of my super emotional week (please forgive my excessive use of the word "super". It's apparently made it's way without fail into my vocabulary lately.) I am now plagued with doubts about my 12 year in the making decision to have my prophylactic mastectomy. My doctors all agree that it's the best course. Even the doctors who aren't making money off of me agree. So all in all, being the logical "separate your emotions from your brain" person that I am, I should be fine. But I'm not. You see, no one...

Today I got the call from my breast surgeon with her recommendation on who would be best not only for my reconstruction but also for my particular set of medical issues. On April 20th I'll be going in to see Dr. Michael Beckenstein at St. Vincent's Hospital in Birmingham to discuss my options for my reconstruction. At this point I'm just trying not to completely obsess over what's going on soon. But it's hard to do because I really just want to get this over with and deal with it.  I've started to compose some questions to ask my plastic surgeon. Maybe they could help you. - How long will my surgery take? - What are my best options/choices for reconstruction? - Where will my scars be? - Will there be sutures to remove after surgery? - How long will my hospital stay be? - How long until I can work, drive, have sex? - What kind of anesthesia will be used? - What is the percentage of infection? - How many drains will I have? - How long will I have the drains? - How...

Yesterday was my very first, successful breast surgeon appointment. By successful, I mean I didn't run screaming into the parking lot. So there's that. Dr. Winchester at St. Vincent's in Birmingham (Yes, I'm totally plugging her) is amazing. We got there at 4:30 pm. The appointment was at 5. We walked out at around 7:45 after being called back in around 7:00. When we first arrived, even at that late hour, the waiting room was full. Which was surprising, but not THAT surprising. Because I have no cancer and no cells that may be cancer, my appointment consisted mainly of meeting, taking a measure of each other, and then getting my vitals and history. She made sure to give me all my choices to prevent cancer, aside from the mastectomy that I was there to talk about. She examined me and said I was perfect for what's called a "nipple sparing prophylactic mastectomy". We'll call that NSPM for short from now on. So she explained that she does the best NSPM e...

I woke up earlier than normal today and decided to get out of bed and have my cup of coffee alone and in the sun of my kitchen nook.  In all the running of every day between work and school, I wanted to just take a moment. Today is going to be a beautiful spring day. Tomorrow is my first appointment with a breast cancer doctor that specializes in breasts. I've been sitting on positive BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 results for about ten years now, and after seeing a few doctors and plastic surgeons (scary ones!) here and then over the years, it's finally time to decide for good whether or not my prophylactic mastectomy will take place. Andrew (my husband) and I have talked it over so many times that we're both great with the idea of lowering my cancer risk to 5% or lower, especially after it being around 94%. But facing it actually happening is another story. So I'm trying to get back to center and start just being quiet and aware. Turning the phone off. Turning the TV off and j...