Ignore Me Like You Mean It

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and the fine people at RESOLVE have challenged Bloggers to write a blog post with the theme of “Don’t Ignore Infertility”. In your life, in the lives of your family and friends, don’t ignore infertility. The words that so make so many of our hearts drop to our feet are: “Just relax, it will happen” and “Just trust God’s will”.  These (and others) are phrases that I can’t stand. They are meant to be helping words. Kind words. Words to uplift and give encouragement. And yet as quick as they are spoken, they cut to the quick and cause resentment, anger and bitterness. Some people experience infertility and never have biological children. Others have children and experience infertility after that, called secondary infertility . Either way, it hurts. There is no cure, and the best that we can hope for is to find some other (albeit very costly) way to get pregnant or have that child we dream of. I got married last week to a wonderf...

Things I'm learning are that you can't make your heart feel a certain way, and that sometimes, you just have to let it take some time to heal. I thought I was over the whole "I really want kids" thing. With my stepsons 18th birthday coming up, Christmas, graduation for him, I realize I'm not. I want the best of both worlds, and I can't that. I also can't have kids. So I've decided to bide my time, and remember that I've wanted kids my whole life, so it's going to take some time to heal, and this wound... this LOSS, will never fully heal. It's hard to allow myself to cry, but I'm discovering I can grieve in other ways, and I can deal in other ways. I just can't force myself to feel something I don't, and that is "okay" with how this whole thing turned out. More to come, I'm sure.