The Boy has spent all 5 days with his dad. Thursday to Monday evening. Then he came home. He was so tired he didn’t want to talk.
So we ended up going to bed and reading Harry Potter (Prisoner of Azkaban). He wanted on the internet but no. I told him no. Eventually he fell asleep.
Today we woke up and he immediately asked if he could go to MawMaw and PawPaw’s. I said, “you don’t want to stay home and spend time with me?”
He said: no I want to visit them.
Cue the first time my feelings have been really hurt by him. He asked for a hug. I’ve always told him I will always hug him.
I said, “I don’t want a hug right now because my feelings are hurt. But in a minute I’ll give you a hug.”
We went into the living room and he was crying.
I asked why. He said, “because you are mad at me and you think I hurt your feelings on purpose.”
Well, I quickly set that straight. I told him I knew 100% that he didn’t hurt my feelings on purpose and I knew he never would. That I was absolutely not mad at all. Because he did what I am raising him to do.
He came to me. He was honest. He was kind. He wanted to spend time with his grandparents. My view: they won’t be here forever. If you want to see family then absolutely you can. I told him this.
Then I explained that as he gets older he’s going to hurt my feelings more. Without meaning to. I explained that as long as he’s not mean, he is honest and kind with people, then how they feel and their feelings is not in his control. Including me.
I talked to him more along that vein. How as he grows he’s going to come in and he’s not going to feel like talking. That’s okay. I explained a little about love languages. About how mine is quality time and for me that is doing stuff, laughing together and talking. But his is (like most guys) physical touch and words of affirmation. I explained what that meant for him, and what things make him feel loved. He agreed that’s how he feels loved.
Then I said, “come give me a hug”. He threw himself at me and I got a great big hug. I emphasized that he’s going to start having his own life as he becomes a teenager.
That MY whole life has been him. Forever. And will continue to be as he grows into his teens. But that I’m going to have to learn to be okay with him going places, not spending as much time with me. That I’m going to have to find a life outside of just being a Mom.
I asked if he understood that. He said he did.
I’ve been trying to teach him what to expect to feel and think as a teenager. I told him that a book I’m reading about tweens called Between by Sarah Ockwell-Smith teaches about what happens in a tweens brain with the chemicals and behavior changes. So I told him a little about that and what to expect to FEEL as he turns 9, 10, 11, etc.
We pretty much ended with that. I told him the only way I would get mad at him is if he came at me with attitude and was rude and hateful. Then I emphasized that BECAUSE he is going to be bigger than me, that’s why I’m teaching him all this, and if or when that happens, I will QUICK, FAST, and IN A HURRY knock him back down to a five year old boy.
I also emphasized again that I knew he would never hurt my feelings and I’m not mad at him for choosing to see his grandparents over me. That it doesn’t mean he loves me less.
Then PawPaw got here and he left.
It’s raining, which normally doesn’t get me down because I love it. But today it is. I looked forward to today all weekend.
Anyway. Time to start thinking about my life. I’ve been getting signs that I need to start writing my book again. I don’t know if it’s coincidence or God. We’ll see. It’s been so long I’m not sure where to start.
Comments