Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 acinar carcinoma pancreatic cancer a while ago. Acinar carcinoma only affects about 4% of the population with pancan.
Even after treatment at Cancer Treatment Centers of America, they had only seen a few cases and even with treatment her tumor was growing. She had the whipple in 2019.
Fast forward to today, she’s been living with me and my 8 year old son (The Boy) for about 2 years now and it’s been back and forth from Northern Alabama to Atlanta every other week. That stopped when they said the treatment wasn’t working.
They sent Mom home.
She did great for a while, but she’s slowly getting weaker and weaker and after a fall last night we made the decision that she won’t be moving around the house anymore.
Thank God for Southern Beacon hospice. We’ve got a wonderful nurse and everything we need so she can stay in the bed.
Yall, she’s so tiny. I can see every ligament on her poor little body. This woman has had cancer like 4 times. She’s a damn trooper. She once called me tenacious. I know where I got it from.
I haven’t been able to find work and I believe that is Gods divine plan so I can care for Mom.
As for me, I’m overwhelmed with trying to declutter my house, be there for Mom, which isn’t hard at all. It’s the mental toll that does it. I spend lot of time reading.
As a caregiver, people don’t realize that at some point you can’t really leave them alone. I still have errands to run and such. I’d love to take The Boy to the park. Luckily it’s been too cold. But I’ve made myself available at all times for her. I don’t want her to want for anything. However I can make her comfortable I will.
A lot of people say, “call me if you need anything” and when you do, they don’t answer, they’re unavailable, or something else is going on. I’ve yet to receive any help or a visit from anyone who offered to help.
That really opened my eyes to who my friends and family truly are and the truth for most caregivers is that they are completely alone on this journey.
Not once has someone asked me how I’m coping watching my Mom decline.
It’s sounds like I’m complaining and I am a bit. But honestly. Follow through people. I’ve discovered I have no friends. Especially no one I can rely on.
So my Christmas tree is still up, I have a pile of laundry about three feet high to put away, The Boy’s clothes need to be purged and honestly? Some days I do nothing but distract myself with books, The Boy and my Mama.
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