I Am So F*cking Tired- an article

I am so fucking tired.

I am so tired of being tired.

I am so tired of being so tired that I go to bed at 8:30 p.m., only to lie awake for hours in the middle of the night.

I am so tired of not having time with my spouse to actually enjoy each other or talk about things other than the pandemic.

I am so tired of mitigating risk by the hour.

I am so tired of internally debating whether my kids’ response to something is pandemic-related or not.

I am so tired of selfish people.

I am so tired of dumb people.

I am so tired of lazy people.

I am so tired of being angry.

I am so tired of feeling so much rage toward strangers.

I am so tired of my kids.

I am so tired of my kids not being able to get a vaccine.

I am so tired of talking about new variants. I am so tired of drinking to quell the pain.

I am so tired of living in “Groundhog Day.”

I am so tired of saying, “That’s it, I’m done,” only to, of course, not actually be done.

I am so tired of worrying about long COVID-19 and what we don’t know.

I am so tired of working from home and being interrupted by inane questions from my kids.

I am so tired of looking in the mirror and seeing how much this has all aged me. I am so tired of living day to day.

I am so tired of planning vacations in my head, only to know we won’t be able to safely take them for a while.

I am so tired of witnessing the world burn and knowing my kids’ futures are in jeopardy.

I am so tired of watching this country fold into itself.

I am so tired of worrying these kids will never be able to read or write or do math at the level they should be able to.

I am so tired of worrying that, years from now, the social and emotional repercussions will affect all these kids in innumerable ways.

I am so tired of having a lack of support — not from my spouse or family, but from society as a whole.

I am so tired of not having a game plan to get out of this ... or to have one, only to have so many people ignore it.

I am so fucking tired.

Originally published on www.huffpost.com on 9/7/2021

Written by Kate Auletta

normal?

Kate

09/07/2021 10:20am EDT

Comments

Don't Ignore The Pain of Infertility

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and the fine people at RESOLVE have challenged Bloggers to write a blog post with the theme of “Don’t Ignore Infertility”. In your life, in the lives of your family and friends, don’t ignore infertility. The words that so make so many of our hearts drop to our feet are: “Just relax, it will happen” and “Just trust God’s will”. These (and others) are phrases that I can’t stand. They are meant to be helping words. Kind words. Words to uplift and give encouragement. And yet as quick as they are spoken, they cut to the quick and cause resentment, anger and bitterness. Some people experience infertility and never have biological children. Others have children and experience infertility after that, called secondary infertility . Either way, it hurts. There is no cure, and the best that we can hope for is to find some other (albeit very costly) way to get pregnant or have that child we dream of. I got married last week to a wonderful m

Anxiety, Caregiving, Separation from Kids and other anxiety and depression related things

Today was a super hard day. Yesterday I was supposed to leave with The Man to go to California for a vacation. Something everyone, including Momma said I needed. Well, American Airlines canceled the flight due to the weather in DFW. I took a 1/4 of my Xanax (which I've never taken) to sleep last night and woke up feeling emotionally, physically and mentally unstable in an EXTREME way. Add to that when I'm away from The Boy from more than a few days it really hits my depression in a way that nothing else, even the stuff with my Momma does. Today was taxing. It was hard to keep my head on straight and I felt like I was going crazy. I felt as if I couldn't control anything and needed to be hospitalized. Not because I'm suicidal or even depressed. But because my level of stress and anxiety is so beyond the norm that I felt like I just needed to be placed somewhere safe without anything to say, do, or experience. Except The Boy. The Man is amazed by my level of love for

More Things They Don't Tell You

They don't tell you that you'll come home after the first visit to the Cancer Treatment Center and your plants will be dead. Not the "I forgot to water it" dead. But DEAD. That the first thing you think upon entering the house and depositing your bag is, "Shit. Everything around me is dying." Or that weeks later you'll be listening to your boyfriend and friends playing bluegrass and you'll think of your mom. Asleep in her bed with that ridiculously hilarious sleep mask on. How is she losing weight when she's eating 8 times a day? Did you know there's a name for "wasting away"? It's cachexia. I hate the phrase wasting away. As if someone isn't doing something to try and help. My brothers and sister in law and I are keeping sharp tabs on her medical notes and feeding her healthy, high calorie protein rich food. But it just falls right off. Maybe we're just trying to WILL her body to start acting eight. Ho

Ignore Me Like You Mean It

Search This Blog