Journey To The End Of The Boobs

A few day ago I got my date. My pre-admission testing is on August 16 and my PBM (preventive bilateral (that means both of them) mastectomy) is scheduled for August 23rd.

Am I ready? HECK YEAH!

Am I nervous? Probably not until that morning.

Am I emotional? Not yet and that worries me. I have a feeling the emotions will come after the surgery. I’d rather not do emotions and pain killers but there it is.

Is my house ready? Nah bruh. If you’re reading this and you know me, we still need people to help with cleaning and people

to sign up for bringing over meals. The Husband will be handling my 19 month old son, but he is a handful and keeping everything clean, caring for me, cooking, caring for The Boy- that’s a lot for one person. We’ll take all the help we can get.

And now it’s apparently the end of bath time as The Boy is trying to climb out.

See ya soon.

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Beginning of the Tweens

The Boy has spent all 5 days with his dad. Thursday to Monday evening. Then he came home. He was so tired he didn’t want to talk. So we ended up going to bed and reading Harry Potter (Prisoner of Azkaban). He wanted on the internet but no. I told him no. Eventually he fell asleep. Today we woke up and he immediately asked if he could go to MawMaw and PawPaw’s. I said, “you don’t want to stay home and spend time with me?” He said: no I want to visit them. Cue the first time my feelings have been really hurt by him. He asked for a hug. I’ve always told him I will always hug him. I said, “I don’t want a hug right now because my feelings are hurt. But in a minute I’ll give you a hug.” We went into the living room and he was crying. I asked why. He said, “because you are mad at me and you think I hurt your feelings on purpose.” Well, I quickly set that straight. I told him I knew 100% that he didn’t hurt my feelings on purpose and I knew he never would. That I was abs...

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Moving On Through Grief

Mom left this earth on February 12, 2025. I woke up that morning to get Myles ready for school and Mom was cold. She went to meet God sometime between 2:30 am and 6:30 am. I called The Boy’s dad to come get him and take him to school as we had agreed on prior to that. I shut her bedroom doors and got him together and out the door and then I called hospice. It was such a RELIEF knowing that she was finally gone to God. In her final days awake, my Mom begged me to kill her. She begged me to let her die. She was crying in pain even through the pain medication. Thankfully, when we got close, I was able to tell her how much I loved her and administer morphine. That kept her out of pain, asleep, and floating in her own world. When she lost consciousness it was about 4-5 days after that when she went to meet God. One of the surreal things was that although she was unconscious, her eyes were open. Hospice assured me that was common. But it broke my heart to see her normally bright b...

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