Tonight, There Is A Mom

As I rocked The Boy to sleep tonight I held him a little tighter, a little longer, a little closer. Somewhere out there in my town tonight, a mother is preparing to bury her son. She’s laid out her clothes and made the preparations, and she will go to bed tonight wondering what she missed.

I know because I am wondering what I missed. I’m just a friend.

This Mom will turn the light out, and she’ll close her eyes and maybe she’ll sleep. I hope she sleeps. I hope she sees that she couldn’t control this. But she won’t.

See, as a mom we have that guilt over everything. And when your son takes his life- how can you not wonder what you did wrong? What you missed or didn’t say?

Somewhere out there, there is a Mom rocked by guilt, by grief. Her emotional pain has become so intense that it manifests as a physical ache inside her chest.

I will always wonder what I missed. But tonight, my thoughts are on this Mom. I hope she can feel the extra prayers going up to God for her.

And as she wakes in the morning to a new reality, one she thought was just a nightmare, I’ll be praying for her.

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