Skip to main content

Things You Don't Realize

It's interesting to me that I've been given a chance to see life without Aaron around. We all fear the death of our spouses, some more than others, and while he is only on the road, he's not HERE. It scares the crap out of me to have him out there on the road, away from home, and it makes me realize everything I'd be missing if I lost him. There are nights that I just sit and listen to the house, it's occasional creak and groan, and I close my eyes and I can hear his voice, and feel his arms around me. Especially at a time like now, when it's really late, and I'm missing him more than normal. It's not even the husband side of him that I miss most, although I really miss that I miss my best friend. It's like the right side of me is gone, and I'm crippled without him. Hopefully he'll be home in the next week or so, and we are both busting our butts to find work so that he can stay home.

We take so much for granted. I know I do. Things like getting ready for bed together, and settling down for the night. Goofy things like his LOUD freakin' snoring, and making breakfast for him on Saturday mornings, and arguing with him in person, where he can't hang up on me. I miss his smell. That singular, special smell that says it's my husband, and my best friend.

I hate seeing things that I know he would enjoy, because he isn't here to see them. When I sit and I listen, I close my eyes and picture him, my heart breaks because I miss him so much. And when I open my eyes I have to go to sleep with an ache in my chest, an ache in my soul, because my best friend isn't here.

I'm so blessed to have him as my husband. I know I didn't do anything to deserve a man like him, but I sure am madly in love with him, and so very blessed to have him for my best friend.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Caregiving For A Parent

Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 acinar carcinoma pancreatic cancer a while ago. Acinar carcinoma only affects about 4% of the population with pancan. Even after treatment at Cancer Treatment Centers of America, they had only seen a few cases and even with treatment her tumor was growing. She had the whipple in 2019. Fast forward to today, she’s been living with me and my 8 year old son (The Boy) for about 2 years now and it’s been back and forth from Northern Alabama to Atlanta every other week. That stopped when they said the treatment wasn’t working.  They sent Mom home. She did great for a while, but she’s slowly getting weaker and weaker and after a fall last night we made the decision that she won’t be moving around the house anymore. Thank God for Southern Beacon hospice. We’ve got a wonderful nurse and everything we need so she can stay in the bed. Yall, she’s so tiny. I can see every ligament on her poor little body. This woman has had cancer like 4 times. She’s a damn troop...
Post a Comment
Read more

Losing Mommy Hit Tonight

I had an emotional evening with everything going on with my Mom. I started crying and Myles grabbed my hand and said, “come with me.” He led me to Mom’s room and said, “She’s still here Mom. Go hug her.”  So I did. And cried, and loved on her. Myles said “hold on,” and went out to grab my phone. He said, “ you guys need a picture “. Y’all, it took me holding her and all her strength to sit up in bed.  Then Myles took the photo of me and my Mommy. When I started crying again he told me a joke to make us laugh.  He is wise beyond his years.  Mom, forgive me for posting the photo.
Post a Comment
Read more

Beginning of the Tweens

The Boy has spent all 5 days with his dad. Thursday to Monday evening. Then he came home. He was so tired he didn’t want to talk.  So we ended up going to bed and reading Harry Potter (Prisoner of Azkaban). He wanted on the internet but no. I told him no. Eventually he fell asleep.  Today we woke up and he immediately asked if he could go to MawMaw and PawPaw’s. I said, “you don’t want to stay home and spend time with me?” He said: no I want to visit them.  Cue the first time my feelings have been really hurt by him. He asked for a hug. I’ve always told him I will always hug him.  I said, “I don’t want a hug right now because my feelings are hurt. But in a minute I’ll give you a hug.” We went into the living room and he was crying. I asked why. He said, “because you are mad at me and you think I hurt your feelings on purpose.” Well, I quickly set that straight. I told him I knew 100% that he didn’t hurt my feelings on purpose and I knew he never would. That I was abs...
Post a Comment
Read more