Ignore Me Like You Mean It

Today we saw the nutritionist. It didn't take long but we got some information and they suggested she mix something called Benecalorie with her food. It's tasteless and has 330 calories. She is 84 pounds. Down from 88 earlier this week.  Then Mom had a PET scan. We had to wait awhile for them to get her in. I think it seemed that way because we were very early.  Then because she had to be NPO for the PET scan we went to O'Charley's for lunch. We both know she doesn't eat a lot but it doesn't matter.  It made her feel better for a little bit.  But there are things they don't tell you about cancer, about any chronic disease. It. Is. Exhausting.  It is frustrating.  You get so fatigued and weak that you don't have the energy to move to the bathroom much less do anything else. Your mind wants to do so many things. Quilt.  Play a game on your phone. Watch television.  Take a walk. Read a book. Have a conversation.  Binge a show.  But you just...

Well,  I'm laying in the bed next to my mom as she snores (yes you do, mom). Here are photos from earlier.  She's extremely weak and has a huge appetite but can't eat more than a bite or two at a time.  It's so surreal to have this force in my life who has shaped me; this strong woman who has battled cancer and won four times be laying in this hotel room and weighing less than 90 pounds.  In my head she is strong, decisive,  larger than life.  She taught me to always laugh,  even in the bad situations- especially at the bad; to have faith in God, speak life and to always carry some type of weapon.  Of course I'll be updating every day because I have to write it out somewhere.  Watching both of your parents rapidly deteriorate at the same time is... indescribably difficult.  It comes with anxiety,  frustration,  gratefulness, faith,  anger and a whole heap of patience that waxes and wanes. Tomorrow i...