Ignore Me Like You Mean It

"He will NOT stop crying!" That phrase characterized my son's first few months of life. Screaming, crying with no relief. Change the diaper, change the clothes, feed him, rock him. NOTHING HELPED!! And I heard it all. "Oh he's colicky." and "well, he's just an irritable baby" (that gem was from his pediatrician) and "flip him end to end" and "he's just manipulating you" (yes- the four month old baby).  I was an emotional, confused mess. All I could think was there was SOMETHING wrong with my sweet boy. I KNEW it. And no one would listen except my husband. As a first time mom, albeit a "maternally advanced" mom, you get treated like you just don't know. You get dismissed. But I digress. Did you know that the sound of an infant's cries are used in torture? I am not surprised. Listening to the boy child cry was pure torture and all I could do was cry with him. I went round and round with doctors, who would...

I used to be like everyone. I figured PPD was mostly just a sad woman with a newborn who's hormones were  out of whack. Then when my son was born, we experienced a pretty traumatic birth and C section. My milk never came in. I started Reglan to help produce milk and it caused PPD. I saw a doctor, got off the meds, stopped trying to breastfeed, simple right? I'm fixed.  Except it's not that simple. Yesterday my son turned 9 months old and I still struggle daily with PPD. Turns out it wasn't "just the medication". I'm in school full time. I don't work. I'm blessed to have my surprise miracle son, as well as the opportunity to stay home with him. But that's not right either, because PPD doesn't care how blessed you are. This is the silent struggle. The stigma. Sure, once we're all being candid behind our screens we'll talk about it. With strangers. With "internet friends". I mean, if you talk about it with PEOPLE you'll b...