Ignore Me Like You Mean It

 Today was my first appointment with one of the plastic surgeons that was chosen for me by my breast surgeon based on my other medical issues. This surgeon was Dr. Michael Beckenstein in Birmingham, AL. First, and one of the most annoying things about this trip actually had nothing to do with the doctor, and everything to do with our recent move and insurance.              Unfortunately my Blue Cross insurance decided that it could just do whatever it wanted (as if its a living entity) and they didn't notify us that our policy was changed and we now needed to have a referral not from my breast surgeon but from a primary care doctor. For everything. So even if one specialist refers me to another, I STILL have to go back to a primary doctor in order to get that referral. That was stressful.  Aside from the insurance headaches, when we first got to the office, it was very homey and comfortable. Andrew and I were taken in to watch a video on breast reconstruction.         

Today has been a super rough day for me. First, aside from Thursday turning out to be Monday's ridiculously ugly sister in terms of all the random crazy that happened,  I lost someone who has been a dear friend of mine for 20 years on Sunday. He died from cancer. Kind of funny in a "haha life is giving us the middle finger" kind of way, isn't it? He started out as a pen pal and became one of my closest and dearest loved ones. On top of my super emotional week (please forgive my excessive use of the word "super". It's apparently made it's way without fail into my vocabulary lately.) I am now plagued with doubts about my 12 year in the making decision to have my prophylactic mastectomy. My doctors all agree that it's the best course. Even the doctors who aren't making money off of me agree. So all in all, being the logical "separate your emotions from your brain" person that I am, I should be fine. But I'm not. You see, no one