2/06/2010

Things You Don't Realize

It's interesting to me that I've been given a chance to see life without Aaron around. We all fear the death of our spouses, some more than others, and while he is only on the road, he's not HERE. It scares the crap out of me to have him out there on the road, away from home, and it makes me realize everything I'd be missing if I lost him. There are nights that I just sit and listen to the house, it's occasional creak and groan, and I close my eyes and I can hear his voice, and feel his arms around me. Especially at a time like now, when it's really late, and I'm missing him more than normal. It's not even the husband side of him that I miss most, although I really miss that I miss my best friend. It's like the right side of me is gone, and I'm crippled without him. Hopefully he'll be home in the next week or so, and we are both busting our butts to find work so that he can stay home.

We take so much for granted. I know I do. Things like getting ready for bed together, and settling down for the night. Goofy things like his LOUD freakin' snoring, and making breakfast for him on Saturday mornings, and arguing with him in person, where he can't hang up on me. I miss his smell. That singular, special smell that says it's my husband, and my best friend.

I hate seeing things that I know he would enjoy, because he isn't here to see them. When I sit and I listen, I close my eyes and picture him, my heart breaks because I miss him so much. And when I open my eyes I have to go to sleep with an ache in my chest, an ache in my soul, because my best friend isn't here.

I'm so blessed to have him as my husband. I know I didn't do anything to deserve a man like him, but I sure am madly in love with him, and so very blessed to have him for my best friend.

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